


Feel Something

by Thy_Undertaker



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Depression, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-04
Updated: 2018-02-04
Packaged: 2019-03-13 11:14:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 931
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13569432
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thy_Undertaker/pseuds/Thy_Undertaker
Summary: Levi doesn't know how to cope with his loneliness. Eren is oblivious.





	Feel Something

**Author's Note:**

> i'm not really sure what this is. Read at your own risk.

_click-click-click._

The usual sounds. Usual sights.

My eyes drifted over to Eren who sat on the couch with his controller in hand, green eyes pasted onto the t.v. screen as if it might disappear if he stopped. It felt like all I could hear was the sound of that damn controller.

_click-click-click._

I couldn't stand to watch him any longer and I got up from my position on the floor, going into the tiny kitchen of our two-room apartment. I put the hot water on to boil and waited, leaning back against the counter and bringing my fingers up to my mouth where I chewed on them gently. It was a gross habit, I hadn't chewed on my nails in over ten years but I couldn't help it.

_click-click-click. Click._

I bit down hard on my thumb. I was so tired of hearing that noise. I closed my eyes and took in a long, deep breath. I remembered all the times we had fun together, rolling around, laughing, holding hands as we walked around town. I remembered the warmth of his hand and the feeling as he held me close to him. I could feel the softness of his skin and the intensity of those green eyes as they stared deep into mine. I missed doing those things sometimes.

I was brought out of my thoughts and memories as the kettle began screaming. I moved on autopilot and removed it from the burner.Turned the knob. Grab the cup. Put in the teabag. Pour the tea. Stir. Wait. Repeat.

I walked back to where Eren sat playing his game and he didn't look at me as I set a cup down for him.

_click-click-click._

"I made you some tea." No response. I hadn't expected one.

I sat back in my spot and tried to focus on my computer screen, I needed to finish this essay tonight but I couldn't take my eyes off of Eren. I suppose I'd been acting as if he never paid attention to me. Eventually he would turn off his game and return to his normal self, but things were still different between us than they used to be. He could play this game for hours and they were the loneliest moments. Sometimes we would still have those moments where we could hold hands and enjoy each other's presences, but I could tell it was different. Was his interest in me waning?

"I love you, Eren. You know that, right?" My voice was soft but I wasn't sure he could even hear me. I'll never know if he did but I was greeted with only silence.

click-clack-clack-click.

I looked down at my computer and began typing away.  I wasn't sure if my words were making sentences, I wasn't really thinking as I wrote I just... wrote. At some point I realized that I had not been writing my essay but something entirely different. My feelings were pouring out on the page before me. The loneliness, depression, anxiety, fear, I never meant for them to escape my mind or my heart. Guiltily, I highlighted my words and pressed delete.

I wasn't really sure why I felt these things. When Eren wasn't absorbed in his game, he was wonderful, sweet, kind, and I was so happy with him. Maybe it was because I was left with my own thoughts and the growing reality of how alone I truly am in this world. I could feel the weight of the knowledge, I didn't have any friends. My family could never understand me.

Would anyone care if I just disappeared?

These were the thoughts occupying my mind and I buried my face in my hands, holding back tears. I didn't want to fall apart in front of anyone else.

"I'm going to take a shower."

I was again answered with silence and a _click-click_.

I sat in that shower until the water grew icy cold, sliding down my body in rivulets. The water fell through my hair and into my eyes. It stung but I didn't care. I still don't know how long I sat in that shower, my grey eyes staring off blank into space. There weren't really any thoughts going through my head, or were there? I couldn't really remember.

I remember wishing that I would hear a knock on the door, Eren calling out "Levi?," looking for me because he had noticed I was gone for so long. He didn't.

I dried off and put new clothes on, sitting on the couch next to Eren. _Clack._

A pair of warm arms slid around my ice cold body and I felt a warm cheek against mine.

"Leeevii. You're so cute." He gave me a cheeky grin and I looked down at him. I didn't really feel anything right then. "I love you. Give me a kiss." He pouted and I leaned down, placing a light kiss on his lips.

"Did you go take a shower? Your hair is soaking wet."  He commented with a frown, running his slender fingers through my dripping wet hair. "You should have waited for me. I need to go shower." So he didn't hear anything I said.

I slid my arms around his neck and sat in his lap, holding him close to my body. "Not right now. Don't go yet." I mumbled and held him close. His warmth wrapped around me and I buried my face in the crook of his neck with a deep breath. I felt safe right here. I wasn't sure what I was feeling but he was safe.


End file.
